online shopping so much i need to stop
ootd: thursday, april 10, 2014
tank: lane bryant
jacket: old navy
shoes: cole haan
i was on a panel for asian american awareness week on gender and sexuality today. it was kind of amazing to meet four other queer asian american folks in my city I didn’t know. solidarity and community building with other asian american folks is difficult enough but the underlying theme of what folks talked about was, ‘i found community outside of api space because there weren’t folks like me there’. thinking about it makes me really sad. as many complicated and difficult feelings and experiences I’ve had within my own ethnic community and the larger asian american community, I still want to be a part of those spaces. I need them and the ache of absence flared today as we shared our similar experiences of isolation.
I had a lot of anxiety about my outfit today. I wanted to present myself as authentically as possible and I felt so good getting dressed. but I didn’t want to deal with the stress of the stares and being so vibrantly visible to people who would never be able to see me. I was also the only femme on the panel, the only fat person, although our moderator was also a queer fat asian femme!
there was also something about my presentation today that invited a high number of unsolicited interactions with white women. In an hours time at least three white women tried to chat me up like we were best friends, on the train, at Ross and in a restaurant. So weird.