Fun Fact: During our first family therapy session, my dad said that I think I'm gay because I haven't found the right man yet.
That’s not at all patronizing, is it? We’re all sunshine and God-fearing angels, aren’t we?
The only good thing that came of that session was my acknowledgment that being gay isn’t what makes me uncomfortable. It’s the fact that the two people whose opinion of me matters the most in the whole entire world don’t approve of what I’ve become.
So now that’s I’ve that sorted out, it doesn’t make it easier to broach gay-related topics at home. Which sucks. We watch a lot of television and movies at my house. It’s one of the major ways that my family hangs out. In fact, we communicate in quotes. But now that everything’s all PC, I can’t escape the gay! It makes me so uncomfortable because I feel like they’re judging me or something. Even the odd gay comment or joke is uncomfortable.
I think I just need to get out of my house. Join a club or something. Just put myself out there. I need to get out there.
my mom asked why i don’t read as many books as i used to and i just said it was because i read a lot of unpublished stories from independent writers online and she thinks that’s very good of me to give undiscovered authors a chance
See, today was one of those days where I remember why I put up with K.
She was really awesome today. We both worked a double, and I didn’t feel like killing her. Progress, or we just weren’t that busy?
Tomorrow I begin my three day nannying job. The parents are going out of town, so I am staying at their house watching the kids. They’re seriously the cutest kids ever. Anderson is 5, and Kaelin is 11. Love them. I’ve been babysitting for that family since Kaelin was like, 2 or 3, so we’re pretty close. I would honestly do anything for them.
K. That bitch showed up 30 minutes late. She’s supposed to be my boss. She’s supposed to set the precedent. Fiiiine example she’s setting.
Sometimes I just really hate her.
Curt made the schedule today (and he called me twice to make sure he understood my requests right! What a sweetie), and he told me that I’m not closing with K at all next week. That’s hilarious to me because everyone hates closing with her, and I do it the most. Both Curt and Bob are really sympathetic (plus they like it when I work because I bust my ass for that damn place), so I guess they’re giving me a break! How thoughtful.
Today was my first day at NE. I am still really nervous because I’m afraid that I’ll revert back to my bad habits. I’m trying, though. My first impression of the place is impressed. The technology that school uses is a lot better than when I was at UT, which is a lot bigger and more ~prestigious. My math class is located in three different locations at the same time. My prof uses a Smart Board to write examples and notes, and they show up live in the other locations. Also, they can ask questions because they are being recorded with both a camera and a microphone. Intense stuff, yo.
I do feel a little bad. Most of the students are a lot older than me. My peers are mostly middle aged humans who are returning to school to get their degree. Which, congrats to them, but I can’t help but feel superior to them. I shouldn’t. I’m doing the exact same thing as them, only my ~break time lasted only months instead of years. I need to get over myself. I’m kind of an asshole in that way.
Oh well. I really, really hope I don’t revert back to my old ways. I’m smarter than that bullshit. If only I actually believed that.
Tonight was undoubtably the worst night of my life.
K has never been more useless during a shift. I am seriously considering talking to the big boss about her behavior. It’s getting out of hand.
I hate kids. Specifically, I hate the parents of children. It seems to me that when people go out to eat, it’s a mini vacation for them. They are incredibly rude; everything is about them with little to no regard for the well being of others (i.e. their servers). It’s as if these people go out and let their kids to whatever the fuck they want. Today I had to scrape a whole pizza off of the floor because some kid decided it would be a good idea to smash their dinner into the floor instead of eating it. Why in the world would you let your child get away with that? And why would you not try to clean it up? Or how about in addition to telling a server that their child spilled water on the floor, perhaps try this newfangled concept of napkins soaking up liquids. You know, in case that server looks swamped with other things and is currently too busy to CLEAN UP YOUR WATER.
I get so angry. Kids are disgusting, and their parents are assholes. That is what I have learned while working in the food industry.
Tomorrow I start school. I’m really nervous, and I can’t sleep - hence me writing this at 3:30 in the morning. I just don’t want to fail again. I don’t think I can handle the disappointment.
1. Finn didn’t think Rachel was special until she threw herself at him in song to remind him. She’s not at the forefront of his mind. You could see her heartbreak when he said he wished he had something special. When I love someone, that person is the first thing I think about when I hear “special.”
2. They called their “first date” the thing they did when Finn was dating Quinn. I’d be ashamed to be a Finchel shipper. Their relationship started by cheating. How fucking romantic.
3. Where the HELL does Finn think he is going with Rachel? He can’t go to New York. If she doesn’t get to go because of that suspension, they will ruin three years of characterization for Rachel. In her first monologue she talked about her dreams and if they decide to keep her in Lima, they ruin one of the major themes of the show.
4. Rachel doesn’t love Finn, she loves being loved by Finn. She’s always just wanted to feel special, and needed, and chosen, and sure, Finn gives her that (except for today where he’s like lolno you aren’t special) but ANYONE could give her that and she would love it. She loved when Puck made her feel special. She loved when Jesse made her feel special. She loved when Mr. Schue made her feel special.
5. And to be honest, I don’t believe Finn loves Rachel. I believe he needs Rachel, but doesn’t love her. Again, he doesn’t think she’s special until she reminds him. Finn crushed that girl wen he implied she wasn’t something special in his life. It broke my heart too. I wanted to slap him. And I know I’m not alone.
6. Thank god for Santana for interrupting the weekly feasting of Jew by T-Rex.
I may hate working with her, but I sure do love her.
Last night K & I definitely had a bonding… shift. First of all, she was “ill” again, but really she just didn’t move her ass to get things done. Instead of letting it bother me, though, I just kind of went with it. I had nowhere important to be after work, so why should I be bothered to stay for an extra 45 minutes? After all, I love my job, and I’m getting paid.
But while we were finishing up, we suddenly had this huge heart-to-heart. We shared things that I had never shared with anyone, even my therapist. And honestly, it was only because she actually understood me. She understands me. She understands my hang-ups. She understands what my anxiety, my mental and emotional paralysis. I’ve never had anyone explicitly know me before. It was refreshing, and I felt instantly bonded to her.
Sure, she annoys the crap out of me at work, but you know, I wouldn’t trade her for the best employee ever. Because, how boring would that be?